And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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