I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
