it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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