Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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