One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
