so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize