didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
