turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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