Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
