Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
