Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
