last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize