This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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