New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
