eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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