our cab driver is having phone sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
