We named our party play list daddy issues
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
