Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
