I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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