3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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