Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
