I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
