Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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