Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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