Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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