My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
