Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
