nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
