my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
