Capitaan dildo arrescate!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
