Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I understand Curling. That high.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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