Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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