Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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