my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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