last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
how drunk are you?
Several
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
