you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
