he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
