very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
