I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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