Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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