Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
