he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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