make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FUCK WHALES
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
