smell my finger.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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