friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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