Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
