Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
