Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
