Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize