You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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