He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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