Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
