i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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