Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
