I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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