I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
