i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
