JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love you. Go after that dick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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