We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize