Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
