is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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