Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
