Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
