nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
