I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
