got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
