I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize